3 And not only that, but we also glory in tribulations, knowing that tribulation produces perseverance; 4 and perseverance, character; and character, hope. 5 Now hope does not disappoint, because the love of God has been poured out in our hearts by the Holy Spirit who was given to us.
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As I reached another period of tribulations in my life and continue to linger here in these trials, I returned to my first love. To be honest, it was a reluctant return, only for the fact that I knew with trials and tribulation comes lessons in perseverance and obedience. Being the lazy procrastinator that I am, it's always hard to take that first step into resolution, resolve and action. Sure enough, my subsequent conversations with my maker, my king, my savior led me to some difficult realizations and decisions to be made.
This particular post will be riddled with metaphors purely for the sake of saving my personal life to remain just that- personal.
God showed me in numerous ways the wonderful things He wanted to do with my life, but as a mother only rewards her children with privileges and treats after they complete their responsibilities, God showed me some things I needed to clean up in my own life first. He asked me to let go of some serious safety blankets. In a sense- He asked me to grow up.
I liked that safety blanket. Loved it dearly. It was soft, kept me company at night, smelled good when it came out of the dryer... but I started to rely more on the blanket than God to comfort me. I stopped making God a priority. "Tina," he said, "you can't go to school with your safety blanket, you can't spend the night at a friends with a safety blanket... how can I treat you like a big kid when you're still clinging to your safety blanket?"
So I gave it to Him. I asked Him to keep it safe for me. He promised He would and I trust Him. And I'm excited to grow and be lead into the amazing things He has planned for me. I just wish my blanky could come with me. God told me that maybe my blanky could be sewn into a grand comforter suitable for His growing daughter, the love of His life, a girl becoming a woman who was saved by His son's blood.
I'm just having separation anxiety. At church tonight the Pastor posed a question to us: "What was holding us back from God?"... I love when God meets me at church and reassures me that He loves me and is always there. I knew I started to rely too much on my blanky for security, comfort and company.
I was like a child playing hide and seek. I hid under my blanky and found it so comfortable there that I stayed. Well have you ever tried hiding from God?? It didn't work... He found me. And I'm SO thankful He did. Oh the beauty you miss when you're stuck under a blanky.
What blanky are YOU hiding under? I have quite a few. God knows my heart and is being patient with me as He always is. I look forward to abandoning my worldly life and running towards Him like a little kid who hasn't seen their mommy or daddy all week. But for me it's been more than a week and I don't believe that distance/absence makes the heart grow fonder... all it does is make it easier to forget. I miss my Daddy in heaven. I miss our conversations, I miss noticing the flowers He would send me, I miss the internal peace of being in His presence.
If I'm not a shining example of the prodigal son over and over and over again.... Thank the Lord for His grace, mercy and unconditional love.
(PS- I hope my blanky becomes a huge down comforter so God gives it back to me.... and because I really like down comforters.)
